Vladimir Putin has announced plans to send 3,650 of Russia’s worst pedophiles into space, where they will be left in orbit around the Earth for the rest of eternity.
They will be sent using Russia’s cheapest rockets, blown out of the Earth’s atmosphere and left to float in space until they have served their life without a conditional release.
Describing the shuttles as “obsolete and useless,” Putin said they were “perfect prisons” for pedophiles , all of whom are repeat offenders deemed unfit to be released into society.
Russian critics have questioned whether President Putin was inspired by Russian folktales to find his new solution to solve the rampant epidemic of pedophilia sweeping the globe.
According to traditional Russian folk wisdom, when a person dies outside the Earth, they do not reincarnate, do not go to heaven or hell, and can not haunt others. Instead, they are condemned to eternity in the darkness of space. Floating, fully conscious, in eternal torment.
Although the duration of space shuttles lasts in space, nobody guesses it. Many of these outdated ships date back to the Soviet space program of the communist era.
Cosmonaut Oleg Novitskiy, who spent 143 days in space as part of the 33/34 expedition to the International Space Station, told Russian state television that he did not expect the shuttles space come out of the Earth’s atmosphere.
“I expect them to burn in fireballs at takeoff,” Novitskiy said, while speculating “maybe that’s what the president is looking forward to seeing us all. “
“Thousands of pedophiles burned inside rusty rockets of the Soviet era. Again, maybe they will go into space. ”
“We will just have to wait and see. I think we can all agree that this is all very exciting. “