This is particularly true when people, especially couples, find themselves in disagreement, B.J. Foster, the content manager of All Pro Dad, says.
The words exchanged by a quarrelling husband and wife have even deeper impact because of their “level of intimacy,” Foster writes for Charisma News.
“In the midst of a disagreement, we have the power with the words we choose to either escalate or disarm the situation,” he says.
To prevent tempers from flaring and to defuse the conflict, Foster suggests five things that a husband should never say to his wife.
1. “At least …”
A husband using this phrase seeks to move on from the issue at hand by looking at its bright side, no matter how superficial. Foster says to a wife this phrase “belittles something she feels is important, disregards her feelings, and ultimately, it lacks empathy.” No matter what follows after these two words “will only serve to deepen the conflict and disconnection,” he says.
2. “I don’t care.”
These three words have devastating effects during an argument. Foster recalls having used these three words to his wife which “actually started more conflicts in our house than anything else I’ve said.” He recalls that his wife was then trying to give her opinion on a certain matter. He then blurted out, “I don’t care,” which to her translates to “I don’t want to do this with you. I don’t care about you.”
3. “You’re being ridiculous.”
Sometimes this is a statement of fact when the wife is truly being swept up in so much emotion and hurt that she is ignoring all reason and facts. “However, she’s not going to be able to see it at this moment no matter how clearly you explain it, but especially if you say it this way. All it will do is throw gasoline on the crazy. It’s best to listen and acknowledge her feelings. Reason with her later when she has calmed down,” Foster says.
4. “I may have done that, but you …”
A husband utters these words by trying to admit responsibility for a mistake but is actually blaming it on his wife. “Throwing an accusation at her while she’s doing the same will only intensify the conversation because it shows our desire to win rather than reach a resolution. When we have done something wrong, then we need to show leadership by owning it and apologising. This disarms the fight,” Foster writes.
5. “Other people wouldn’t react the way you are.”
A husband saying this thing to his wife is actually comparing her to another woman. “It devalues her as a person and it will rub some significant insecurities lurking below the surface,” Foster writes. The worst that a husband could say is when he compares his wife to his mother. Hearing this, the wife could very well reply, “It was nice knowing you,” before leaving him
BY Hazel Torres