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Checkout Why Kenyan Women Shun Bachelors and Opt to be Second Wives

A while back, while on a Saturday night date, something terrible happened, and ruined my entire evening.

For starters, the evening was marked by an uncomfortable silence mostly because my date had nothing intelligent or interesting to say.

He just stared at me blankly, virtually all the time. The few times he said something, it was some painful cliché and he threw the F-word around, I felt like I was having a date with a frustrated rapper.

Then when we ordered dinner, he did the unthinkable: switched to social media right in my presence. I sat there petrified, yet he could not realize how insulting that was.

For the umpteenth time, I wondered why I was putting myself through this. Why was I wasting time with guy.

Like most young men, he acted silly most of the time. Men his age cannot woo a woman properly or make a relationship work because they do not have a sense of responsibility and sacrifice.

Worst of all, they do not know how to be men. Cannot converse properly. Cannot be gentlemen. Know next to nothing about romance or the art of courtship.

Lousy date

And for some curious reason, they all believe that they can carry you home after one lousy date because they paid for the dinner. What cheek!

I sat there in awkward silence as my date typed away on his phone and even smiled at some funny comment he was reading from his phone (not even bothering to share the joke). I silently prayed that dinner be served quickly so I could go home.


This incident reminded me about my dear friend whom I will call Penny who decided to be someone’s second wife not so long ago.

A year ago, she decided to settle down with a man 20 years her senior. She was tired of all the baggage that comes with dating today

With young men, you are never too sure what you are dealing with. Maybe there are some three baby mamas hovering somewhere in the background. Sometimes, you are dealing with an irredeemable mama’s boy. Or worse a man who cannot form his own opinion, unless he puts it on social media for validation or his boys must stamp it. The list is endless.

Older man

Penny’s motto is simple: “Why not just get an older man who already knows how to treat a woman, and who has been given further training by a first wife?”

It actually makes sense. As I ate my dinner, I cried silent tears over all the television shows I had sacrificed because of my date.

I counted all the women I know who are modern, independent and educated yet they are opting to be second wives or mistresses to men, a generation older than them, despite the many supposedly “eligible” bachelors out there. And it is not all about the money!

Who would not want a man who knows a thing or two about wooing a woman? A man who can converse for longer that five seconds without looking at his phone.

A “manly” man in the old-fashioned way. A man who understands his responsibility to provide. A man you do not have to look after all the time. The perfect “part time” solution for a busy career woman!



Written by How Africa

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