Every year, at least once a year, you and your beloved – whether you have been together one year or twenty-one years or more, should seize the opportunity to sit down and ask each other key questions to enable you to bond and enhance your life together as a couple. Make it a time to really listen and talk.
The top ten questions you should be asking your partner (and they of you too!) every year should cover at least your basic fundamentals of finances, romantic connection, family, priorities and goals, and these are all areas the majority of couples state are important to talk about, but in reality rarely do. Pick a month and make it the time to make this annual investment in your love life. Ask and ye shall receive!
1. How can we better last year? What wasn’t good last year and what did we learn?
It’s important to keep positive and integrate what you’re learning as a couple into moving onwards and upwards together.
2. What is your personal dream just for you? Is there anything more I can do to help you achieve it?
As a couple, one of the most important things you can do for your partner is support their individuality and personal goals. It will keep you stronger as a couple, having two fulfilled partners.
3. What special time can we carve out for each other together this year, away from work, without the kids and other family? What time and ideas do you have?
Work together to prioritise time just for the two of you, to keep connected during the year. Share the responsibility of making this time.
4. How is your overall health? Do you have any health goals I can support you with this year?
Taking care of your partner, nurturing them, and letting them know their health is important not just to them, but to you and/or your family as well makes them feel valued.
5. What is the most important thing I can continue to do or start to do to make you feel confident about my love for you?
Sometimes we can show our love but it isn’t the best way to make our love feel that love, or feel confident in it. So at least once a year, make sure to ask them what their preferred ways to feel loved are. Be aware they may change with time so make no assumptions that the way we want to be loved stays the same.
6. Where do you see us in five and ten years? Do you think we’re on track? Has anything changed?
It’s not only important to set goals as a couple, but to be able to adapt to changes in the trajectory of your life together. Having this conversation keeps you on the same page, and working towards the same shared dream.
7. What are your priorities for this year for us (as a couple, as a family)? And for you individually?
By asking your partner about their priorities, you can talk together to align them with yours. They do not have to match, but they should collaborate. You can have shared as well as individual priorities and goals.
8. Are you happy? What makes you happiest? What’s the best part of your day?
Try to remember that you and your partner grow and to prevent growing apart, it’s important to look at what makes them happy here and now – not years ago and not what you think or hope makes them happy. Knowing your partner – every year as they and you change enables you to be the most supportive and loving partner you can be. And they to you too!
9. What was the highlight last year for you and what are you looking forward to most this year?
Reflecting on and sharing your positive experiences keeps your outlook on the relationship good, and propels you forward from good to great.
10. Do I do anything which gives the impression I’m not open or able to listen to you? And is there anything you would like to ask me?
Invite the conversation together by ensuring your partner feels heard, and not just assuming it. Be willing to listen to how your partner wants you to hear them and empower them to ask you questions too. This only enhances your communication as a couple.