No relationship is perfect. Not even Allie and Noah’s in The Notebook.
All couples disagree on something. Whether or not that becomes a full-blown fight or just an emotional discussion that gets worked out depends on your level of communication with your partner. It’s argued that it’s healthier to fight than to ignore it and stop talking. Sometimes everyone needs space after something hurtful is said. When that space becomes more than a day, sometimes even over a week, without talking about it, your relationship can be in danger. Dr. Gary Chapman talks about The 5 Languages of Love in his book. They are: Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Words of Affirmation. With these in mind, here are some of the best ways to apologize to your man.
12. Touch Him
No, not there. Well, you can if you want to… But there doesn’t have to be anything sexual about a touch. Touches can be purely physical. Maybe you’re sitting there watching TV or driving somewhere; reach over and hold his hand, brush the hair off his face, rub the back of his head. The combination of the close proximity with the act of touching will allow him to feel your apology rather than having to listen to and understand it.
11. Have A Night In Together
Plan a movie night, play a board game, listen to music or read together, it doesn’t really matter. To a lot of men, the act of you spending your time with him speaks volumes. This falls under Chapman’s Quality Time language. All your partner sometimes needs is your undivided attention. They want to know that they are worth your time and that you’re not sitting on the couch glued to your phone while you’re with him. A great way to apologize is to make sure he knows that you picked him. Everyone just wants to feel chosen.
10. Go Away For The Weekend
If a romantic weekend is within your means or budget, why not do it? You don’t need an excuse like Valentine’s Day or an anniversary, especially when you’re trying to apologize for something. Rent a cabin or a cottage, or bug a relative to let you borrow their trailer, just get away. The more quality time spent, the more sincere the apology feels. And if you’re away for the weekend, you don’t have silly distractions like the Internet, your friends or an easy escape, like the local pub, standing in the way of you working things out.
9. Plan A Night Out For Him
Sometimes, all guys really need is a boys’ night out. Now although this doesn’t fall into the traditional category of quality time, you’re giving him some space to have his own quality time with people he cares about. Call up his buddies, tell them you made reservations for them at the local sports bar to watch the game, and then let him know you planned a night for him. He’s going to appreciate the effort as well as the quality time he gets to spend with his friends. It’ll also make him appreciate his quality time with you that much more.
8. Make Him Dinner
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, and it applies smack dab in the middle of a fight, all the same. There’s nothing like coming home after a long day to your favorite meal sitting on the table in front of you. You don’t have to be a gourmet chef to say you’re sorry, just put in the effort to make a full meal for him (and do the dishes too), and you’re all set. Think of it as an Act of Service, as Chapman puts it. Think about it: you like to go out to a restaurant and have someone else cook your food and someone serve it to you and clear your place when you’re done. He’s no different. Bonus points if the food is edible after all of the effort is put forth.
7. Arrange An Activity For The Two Of You
Acts of Servicehuh? This can be a tough concept to think about when you’re trying to apologize or make it up to your s/o. Let’s just say for a minute that he’s really sporty and you’re more of a shopping and tanning kind of gal. Now’s your chance to really show him you’re sorry by arranging an afternoon of indoor rock climbing, or a day of pizza and video games. This simple act of service shows him that you’re willing to do something that he likes just to spend time with him and make sure he knows you want to apologize.
6. Clean His House
This one is only possible if you have the means to do it. If you aren’t in with his roommate, or you don’t have house keys, or you don’t live together, it might come across as more stalker-ish and less apologetic. Cleaning your living space is one of the least pleasant experiences because it’s never-ending. There’s vacuuming, dusting, sweeping, swiffering, scrubbing, the list goes on. Thisact of service, similar to a maid cleaning your room on vacation, lets him know that you care and you want to make up for whatever happened between the two of you. Once the clutter is gone, you can focus on the important stuff.
5. Buy Him Something
No one really believes that money can’t buy happiness, do they? Then why do your eyes light up on Christmas morning while tearing into piles of pristinely wrapped presents? This is why Gifts makes it on the list of the 5 Languages of Love. Whether this means you buy him dinner at his favorite restaurant, or get him that video game you already know you’re going to hate, or even that jersey for the sports team he’s following, he’s going to take notice. Spending money on someone is one way that people recognize that they are cared about. And nothing says sorry like steak and NBA 2K for PS4.
4. Wash His Car
Most guys have a pretty good relationship with their cars. They name them, they won’t let you eat or smoke in them, and they polish them, when necessary. If you need to apologize to your man, show him you’re sorry by putting some TLC into something you already know he cares about. Plus, going through the car wash with all the fancy colors is fun for both of you, and also allows for some quality time. Cha-ching: two birds with one stone. Sorry, babe.
3. Get Emotional (Talk It Out)
Chapman’s Words of Affirmation is arguably the most difficult language of love to grasp, because it’s more of a female, than male, language. Why not try some basic communication? Use words like “feel” and “upset me”. “It upset me when you said X because it made me feel Y”. Dumb it down. Tell it like it is. Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to verbalize how the fight makes you feel. Remember to keep it personal, and don’t use this as an opportunity to lay blame.
2. Tell Him How Much He Means To You
1. Say Sorry
Justin Bieber was certainly on to something with his song “Sorry”. Saying “I’m sorry” and taking blame are two of the most difficult things to do. It’s difficult because when you’re hurt, you tend to go on the defensive and place blame rather than taking responsibility. Often times, both of you will have a different understanding of how the fight started, so saying “sorry” is one of the best words of affirmationthat usually opens up a dialogue and inevitably ends the fight. Just remember, it’s not too late to say sorry, ladies.