There are things your partner needs to hear you say on a consistent basis in order to feel deeply loved. Some of which they know about, and some of them, they don’t. Communication is key in intimate relationships and it helps to be intentional about telling your partner what they need to hear from you.
Behold! A concise reminder of things that your partner would love to hear, and hear often. Focus on bringing these tips into your relationship and see your partner open up like never before.
1. That You Want To Make Their Life Easier. I am a firm believer in the concept that a thriving relationship occurs when two independent, emotionally stable people decide that they want to help each other live the most fulfilling lives possible. One way to communicate that is by saying any variation of “I want to help you in any way that I can.” “Please don’t hesitate to let me know if you feel like I could make your life easier in any way.” “I want to always be a positive influence in your life. Is there anything I could do today that would take some pressure off of you?”
Even something as simple as picking up their dry cleaning could have a measurable impact on their stress level on a certain day… so keep your ears out for things that you can do to help them. I’m not suggesting that you need to take on their responsibilities or moods as your own, but being willing to help them out (and communicating that mindset) is always appreciated.
2. That You Want To Keep Dating Them. Just because you’re in a relationship with them doesn’t mean you get to stop dating them. Whether it’s pre-planned or (better yet) a surprise, taking your partner out on dates will keep your connection growing over time.
Not sure what to do on your big night out? Try an activity date like bowling, rock climbing, or taking a cooking class. Want something a bit more romantic and intimate? Turn off your phones, remove any technology from your evening (except for the music), light some candles, and have some dedicated connection time in your bedroom.
Whether you engage in a dedicated s*x date or just want to discuss your lives, ambitions, and relationship, actively dating your partner will make them feel loved and appreciated.
3. That You Like Having Them Around. Many people assume that just because they are in a relationship with someone, their partner knows that they must enjoy their company. While this is often the case, a simple “I love having you around. Just seeing your beautiful face makes my heart warm” can go a LONG way with certain people. Try it out. Your partner might respond better than you thought possible.
4. That You Want To Know About Their Day. One cornerstone of communication is the daily catch up. While these don’t necessarily need to happen on a daily basis, showing that you genuinely care about what is going on in your partner’s life is a nice gesture.
The key to making this work? Asking “How was your day?” and then listening all the way through. Listen attentively, give positive reinforcement (“That’s so great that you finished that project on time. I’m not surprised at all because you’re so hard working, but still… well done!”), and help them solve their problems if they ask you to.
5. What They Bring To Your Life. Presumably you are in a relationship with your partner because you like them and they bring value to your life in some way. So tell them about it!
A basic script could play out like “Because you are so (character trait), I constantly feel (what you feel) in our relationship. And I thank you for that.”
“Because you’re so generous with your loving energy, I constantly feel taken care of and loved in our relationship.” “Because you’re so driven and hard working, I constantly feel pushed forward and motivated in my own life.”
If what they bring to your life isn’t immediately apparent, take the time to write down a few ideas, and then commit to telling them about what you came up with in the next few days.
6. That You Support Them And Their Decisions. Your partner wants to feel like you’re on their side (at least the majority of the time). Sprinkling hints of “You were right/allowed to do that/totally in the right in that situation” throughout your conversations shows them that you’re on their team.
She asks if you can do her a favour? You answer “I can do you two favours.” She says “I felt like I had been good all week so I had a cupcake with lunch”? You reply with “Good for you. You could have had ten if you wanted.”
Be on their side. Support them in their decisions.
7. That You Find Them Attractive. You find your partner attractive on multiple levels. You can compliment their physical appearance (You look mesmerizing/beautiful/fantastic/stunning/ridiculously cute. I love your hair/outfit/legs/hips/nose so much.)
Or you can compliment their character and personality (I love how caring/nurturing/open minded/communicative you are.)
8. That You Find Their Choices Attractive. Your partner’s choices tie back to who they are at a deeper level. By noticing those choices and verbalizing your appreciation, they will feel seen and loved.
Examples of physical appearance compliments: “Your hair/outfit/dress/lips look/looks really sexy right now. Seriously, I love it.”
Examples of lifestyle/character compliments: “I love that you were able to get yourself up out of bed and going for a run/workout/exercise so early in the morning. I find that incredibly sexy that you take care of yourself like that.”
9. That They Are A Priority. It’s easy to let your partner become less of a priority on your list when you slip from a “wanting” mindset to a “having” mindset.
Tell them “I will always put you first, and if I ever forget please give me a nudge to wake me up to reality. You are the most important person in my life and I want to make sure you always feel like you are.”
10. That You Still Appreciate Them. Don’t take your partner for granted.
Tell them “I’m so glad you’re my girlfriend/wife/partner. Sometimes I see you from a distance and I’m like ‘Wow, that is one ridiculously beautiful and classy looking woman.’ And then I realize that I’m already dating you and I feel like the luckiest person in the world.”
11. I’m Sorry. It’s inevitable that you are going to mess up. Make sure you are clearing the air with them when you do.
12. I Love You. I left the most obvious (and most important) for last. This little phrase can’t be said enough. Say it upon waking, before they leave for their day, via text while you’re apart, after you kiss, and before you go to sleep.
Say it like you mean it. Don’t just go through the motions.Tell them you love them… don’t just verbalize it.
Say It Loud, Say It Proud.
You know what to do, now it’s time to do it. Commit to saying at least one of these things to your partner in the next 48 hours. The sooner you take action, the better.
Originally appeared at Jordan Gray Consulting