You’ve been single for a while now and at first, it was liberating. You loved the feeling of being the only one in control of your life, but as time has passed you find yourself wondering: why am I still single?
Being single can be awesome, but most of us get to a point where we feel the desire to share our lives with someone. All of your single friends now have someone, and hanging out with them is starting to make you feel like an uncomfortable third wheel. You may have a lot of friends and maybe your job allows you the opportunity to meet new people, but you haven’t met anyone you are interested in or that has shown any interest in you. By now you’re asking yourself: what’s wrong with me? You’re smart, kind, employed and pretty, so why are you alone? Are you too picky? Do you have trust issues? Has your heart been broken in the past and you are now too afraid to let someone else in? Are you shy, scared or insecure? Maybe it’s time to take a deep breath and do some self-exploring. Here is a look at 12 reasons why you may still be single.
12. You Limit Yourself With Types and Standards
Far too often we set up expectations for what we think the “perfect” person for us should be. Some take those expectations to the extremes by setting standards for things like height and eye color. Don’t be absurd! By now you are old enough to understand that there is no perfect person out there waiting for you to find them.
It’s time to remind yourself that you should never judge a book by its cover. Before you turn someone away because they don’t meet your physical standards, try having a conversation with them. Remember that love comes in all shapes and sizes.
11. Are You In Love With Yourself Too Much?
We live in a world where far too many people think the world owes them something. If you are waiting for fate to just drop Mr. Right off at your front door, be prepared for an extremely long wait. You are not entitled to happiness. Love does not come wrapped in a pretty box with a bow delivered to your door by FedEx. Making a connection and forming a relationship is work, and if you are not willing to put the work into a relationship then why would anyone want to be with you? Love is not a one way street.
10. Maybe You’re Just Too Independent
You are independent and you like the feeling of being in control of your own life. You want to have someone in your life, but at the same time you refuse to pine away for another person. You want to live life your way and just aren’t ready to revolve your life around someone else. You are lonely, but refuse to feel like you need another person in your life to make yourself feel whole. Feeling this way can keep you from truly opening up and prevents others from feeling like you are approachable. You can let someone in without letting their presence define you.
9. You Aren’t Really Putting Yourself Out There
Far too many single people are complaining that they are alone, but aren’t really making any effort to change the situation. There are no fairy godmothers and the Prince is not waiting for you at the ball. If you are sitting at home waiting for someone to just drop into your lap, chances are you are going to die alone.
If you are truly ready for a relationship you have to take the bull by the horns. Putting yourself out there isn’t easy, but until you do it you’ll likely be alone. It’s time to get confident with who you are and get out there.
8. Do You Really Know What You Want?
When you meet someone you are interested in seeking a real relationship with and they tell you right up front that they are only interested in having fun, don’t tell them that is what you are looking for too, if it isn’t true. Dating someone who isn’t interested in the same outcome is setting yourself up for heartbreak.
If you are ready for a committed relationship, don’t settle for anything less. Don’t date someone who is on a different page than you because you are not going to like the book’s ending. If what you want is a future with this person, don’t waste your time or chance heartbreak on a person who is just looking for a good time.
7. Don’t Get Impatient
There are going to be bumps in the road. No relationship is perfect. Far too often people will throw their hands in the air and give up as soon as an issue arises. You have to be prepared to let each experience be a learning experience.
The chances of the first person you go out with being the one is very unlikely. You can learn how to make the next relationship better by realizing the mistakes you made in previous relationships. You can also learn to spot red flags from the relationships that did not work out. Don’t get discouraged just because things don’t work out.
6. Do You Dread Dating?
If you don’t like dating, the person you choose to go out with is going to sense that you don’t want to be there and that is a date killer. You are going to appear uncomfortable and anxious. When both people are comfortable with the situation the chances of making a connection are greater. You need to figure out what it is about dating that makes you ill-at-ease and look for ways to troubleshoot the issue or issues.
Once you figure out what the problem is, you can find ways to deal with it so that dating can be fun (as it’s supposed to be).
5. You Don’t Ask The Right Questions
When you meet someone new, conversation is based on questions about them and their lives. There are some basic questions that everyone asks: Where are you from? What do you do? Do you have any hobbies? All of those questions will help you get a feel for who this person is, but asking more revealing questions will help provide you with a closer look at who your date really is. Try questions like these: Are you close to your parents? What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done? What is your greatest memory? What is your greatest fear? The answers to these types of questions will give you a clearer view of who the person is and make it easier for you to decide if you are compatible.
4. You Have A Routine
Do you have your life all planned out? Is your day a series of pre-planned events? Do you schedule your second cup of coffee and snack? Routines can help make life feel simpler, but they can also be extremely limiting. When you have made your life just one big routine, you have then stopped stepping out of your comfort zone. If you truly want to meet someone you need to be ready to step out of your bubble.
If you want to bring someone new into your life you need to switch up that routine that you have become so comfortable with.
3. Still Holding On To That Last Breakup?
Breakups are hard. Breaking up with some can leave deep scars and painful memories. It’s easy to find yourself in the position where you are holding on tightly to bitterness. Instead of dealing with your pain, you wallow in it. If you want to move on to a new relationship, then you have to find a way to let go of your pain and bitterness from your last relationship.
Negative energy can be felt a mile away. No one is interested in dating someone that is not completely over their ex. You have to find a way of leaving the past where it belongs; in the past.
2. The People You Want Don’t Want You
This situation is something that happens to all of us at some point in our lives, but if it is a repeated situation in your life, you need to re-evaluate who you find attractive. You also need to understand that if someone is not attracted to or interested in you, there is nothing that you can do to change that. Stop sitting around thinking they will come around. Deal with the fact that they just aren’t into you.
You cannot change the way others think or feel, but you can change you. Stop torturing yourself with questions like: how do I make him like me? Or trying to convince yourself that you are perfect for him, but he just doesn’t know it yet. If they are not interested, tell yourself that it is their loss and move on.
1. You Won’t Ask For Help
Being single and wanting to be in a relationship can be frustrating. It can also cause you to feel badly about yourself. It’s hard to smile and be comfortable around your happily married friends, especially if those happily married friends insist on offering you unwanted advice.
Though friends may be giving you the wrong advice, they very well could know the answers to the problems you do have. Sit your friend down and tell them what you need help with. Explain to them where your problem lies. Chances are they have been in the same situation and can offer you information about the way they dealt with the problem. Hear them out and remember sometimes life’s answers come from the most unexpected places.