Building a relationship that works is not easy. Many of us have to play the dating game for a few years, landing a few duds and going out with a few losers, before we finally find Mr Right.
Sometimes the problems can land fairly squarely with us, ladies. If you’re the type of person who continues to hold onto the dream of a fairytale romance that will last forever, you might be setting your ideals too high, but well, who can forbid us to dream, right?
At times the problems are in the guys’ court. He’s immature, doesn’t want to grow up, wants to keep seeing his mates at the weekend, and still lives with his mom.
But often the problems are with both of you. But if you’re convinced that this guy really is the One and you want to do everything you can to make this relationship last, lets’ take a look at 10 top tips on how to make a relationship work.
See Your Partner For Who They Really Are
Have you ever dated someone and built them up so much that your ideal of them is actually very different from who they really are? This happens. It is very easy to be so smitten by a new guy in your life that you think he simply cannot do anything wrong. You brag about him to your friends and your family, telling them all what a sweet, kind and loving person he is.
You need to spend a little bit of time to look at your man through cold, objective eyes. Who really is he? Do you really know him that much, or have you just exaggerated his qualities to make yourself feel better?
Be Happy Being Alone
I’ve heard too many times from women who are desperate to meet a man and settle down before they’re thirty because they don’t want to be “left on the shelf.”
Nobody is going to be left on the shelf, but if you rush into relationships and decide automatically that this one is going to be the One, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment after disappointment.
Moreover, you’re going to keep scaring the guys away if you’re actively looking for someone to marry.
You need to be happy being alone. Be comfortable with it. In this way, the good guys will come to you, rather than you desperately hunting them down, only to find that, once again, you’ve unearthed a wrong ‘un.
This is another important tip on how to make a relationship work. Yes, we all grew up watching Disney movies and we all wanted a Disney-style wedding with a castle, a dreamy blue and white wedding down, and our very own Prince Charming.
We then wanted an idyllic life living somewhere in a cottage with a man who doted on us hand and foot, and with whom we never argued about a thing.
But life isn’t often like this. Rather than setting your bar so high that you will only settle for blonde, blue-eyes, thick head of hair, chiselled jaw, and a healthy bank balance, it’s time to start seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary.
You’ve probably heard the phrase that opposite attracts. While it’s essential for you and your partner to havesomethings in common, it’s not essential that you have everything in common.
Differences are what can colour a relationship and make it an even happier one. While you’re busy doing your thing, he’s busy doing his – and it’s great! Allowing for contrasting passions means that you won’t be spending 24/7 together, but this is not a bad thing at all. Moreover, you can learn from each others’ different interests.
When you were dating Mr Wrong, there may have been a time when he didn’t cuddle you one day despite you totally expecting it. But because it was Mr Wrong and you weren’t all that comfortable around him just yet, you didn’t ask him why he wasn’t cuddling you.
You just wallowed in your own agonising questions, assuming that he was about to break up with you.
If you’re going to make a relationship work, you need to ask your partner questions. Never assume; just ask. Communicate.
Spend Some Time Apart
You might look at elderly couples who got married just after the Second World War and use them as a blueprint for your own relationship. You might assume that, because they’re pottering around the house together in their eighties, they’re never apart. And never being apart is the key to a happy relationship!
All happy couples spend some time apart. It’s what keeps things exciting and fresh, and helps to ward off boredom and resentment. While the elderly gentleman might spend a few hours alone in his greenhouse, watering his plants and reading his newspaper, the lady might pop to the shops for a few hours or to a bridge club. These moments away are important.
Tell Them You Love Them
Expressing your love to your partner is another good tip on how to make a relationship work. Actions certainly do speak louder than words, but everyone loves to be told that someone loves them.
(Unless that someone is Creepy Colin from Human Resources who has been following you home recently.)
A simple “I love you” after your partner has had a long, stressful day will brighten them up and tighten your loving relationship.
Show That Your Appreciate Them
A relationship isn’t going to last very long if there is no appreciation from either side. If your partner has gone to some lengths to do something for you, no matter how small or big, you need to show that you appreciate it.
Let’s say he brings you home some flowers:
“Honey, I bought these for you because I know they’re your favourite and you’ve been so stressed lately.”
“Is that it?”
“I’m busy, we’ll talk about it later.”
All he wants is a sign from you that you appreciate what he does for you. It will encourage him to keep loving you and doing things for you and your relationship.
Accept Their Shortcomings
If this relationship is going to work, you need to be more accepting of his shortcomings.
If your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere and he can’t fix it, you’re probably going to be a little disappointed.
And if he’s so clumsy that he keeps on breaking all those pots and dishes you’re probably right to feel a little bit angry.
But rather than constantly admonish him for his failings, you’re going to need to embrace them. If he’s impractical, so be it. The best thing is not to grump, but to accept him for who he is.
Keep Things Private
Okay, you’re looking to build a long-term relationship here, not a quick, fun-filled one that lasts for a few weeks.
For this reason, there are certain things you need to keep private and off Facebook. He probably doesn’t want you to take lots of selfies of him while he’s sleeping and load them to social media, so that your 700 combined friends can see it.
How to make a relationship work? What are your best tips?