Dear Black Men Who Bash Black Women:
As a 47-year old married woman of five, who grew up in a Southern Baptist church, my first forays into interracial dating waters weren’t all peaches and cream. This was the deep South, mind you, the Mississippi Delta. There were mixed reactions, some approving, some concerned and some downright scary. My parents and siblings were naturally a bit concerned, as they should be, but didn’t discourage me, because they had taught all of us not to discriminate against anyone because of race, gender, creed or religion. All were God’s children.
I dated White, Black, Mexican, Native American and even a cute Vietnamese student whose parents ran a little restaurant in downtown Sparta, Mississippi. Nothing serious. Just good clean, fun. Those dates gave me valuable insight into other cultures. Now I would be lying if I said that all my dates’ families were cool with their sons dating a White girl, because they weren’t. But most would rather die than be labeled outright racists. It was just not a proper thing to be, during those days, at least not openly. So they grudgingly approved, even though I knew which way the wind blew.
By the time I entered college, I continued to date interracially. And it was there I lost my virginity to a Black basketball player. We dated for about 7 months, before he transferred to another college which offered a better chance of him being picked up by a pro team. In my sophomore year, I began to pick up a disturbing trend from some of the Black men I dated and the ones who wanted to date me. They spent a lot of time bashing Black women. This was a regular topic of conversation between me and my circle of White female friends who also dated interracially, mostly Black men and, they had experienced this trend too. Of course we had heard White men call White women all kinds of names, but the way some of these Black men talked about Black women, in general, was absolutely VICIOUS, DEMEANING and OUTRIGHT DISGRACEFUL! It’s like they hated the very ground Black women walked on. It made all of us very uncomfortable.
Finally, my friends and I decided that we wouldn’t date ANY Black men, on campus or off campus that bashed any Black woman in our presence or within our hearing. And we didn’t. It didn’t take long before some of these Black men started bashing US, when we started to reject their offers of dinner, movies and whatnot. Now we were considered po’ White trash, trailer trash, redneck hillbillies, nasty White wh-re bit-hes and the like. But we didn’t care. We stuck to our guns.
Some of the Black women caught wind of what we were doing and actually befriended us. This was a surprising turn of events because at first, most of them were a bit standoffish and a few were clearly jealous of us dating “their men”. With the others though, we eventually started our own charitable campus sorority which focused on needy single mothers and have remained good friends to this day. But I digress.
What my friends and I never understood was ‘Why?
Why do some Black men feel bashing Black women is okay, especially in public? Come to think of it, White wo/men who bash each other are out of their league, when it comes to Black men wo/men bashing each other. They can’t compete. And remember, I’m a White woman who grew up around White wo/men so I know what I’m talking about. I understand that ALL women aren’t saints and deserve to be called some colorful names but this was different. This was sick, twisted and hateful. Some of these Black men were bashing millions upon millions of Black women, 99.9 percent of whom they didn’t even know, if that. The idea that a White woman or any other race of woman has something better to offer over a Black woman just didn’t sit too well with White women like me and my friends at all.
Some Black men think ALL the White women they date or plan to date or even marry are cool with hearing Black women being bashed left and right but, they’re are sadly mistaken. We’re not. It’s highly disrespectful and a BIG TURNOFF to those of us who were raised right. Some white women will tell Black men outright what they think of hearing them bash Black women. Others won’t. They’ll just find a way out of the relationship, by saying things like “This is not working out” or start a fight and use it as a convenient excuse to break up. The most cowardly of us will just stop answering phone calls, change the phone number, avoid you altogether or even move, if need be.
Some Black men seem not realize that when they bash Black women en masse they are bashing their own female folk, by default. If Black men want to date White women then date them. Why do they feel they have to use “Black women are this” or “Black women are that” excuses, so they can date interracially? What does that say about them as men, Black men who may or may not be husbands or fathers?
If you are with a white woman and have a daughter or daughters with a Black woman, do you voice your disgust about Black women within their hearing? I hope not! How do you think they would feel surfing TV channels or browsing the internet and coming across nasty topics directed at Black women like:
“Black Men Who Refuse To Date Black Women”
“Why Don’t Successful Black Men Date Black Women?”
“Young Black Men Don’t Want Black Women”
“Why I Don’t Date Black Women”
“Why Black Men Date White Women”
“Why Black Men Are Dating Other Races”
Why 99% of Black Men And Black Athletes Date White Women”
“Why Black Guys Like White Girls”
“10 Reasons Black Guys Prefer White Girls”
“Why I Don’t Date Black Girls”
No matter how strong Black women are perceived to be, such degradation, disdain and disgust coming from your own Black men in open forums has to sting a little bit, even if Black women don’t admit it. Could this be why some Black women resort to doing things to their bodies and hair that make them appear White or close to it? Only a psychologist could tell you for sure. And I’m not one.
There are some things that Black women bashing Black men should know when they’re in their “Black women are this” or “Black women are that” state of mind:
All white women aren’t attracted to you and don’t desire to be with you, openly or secretly. Most of us prefer to date and marry our own, just like other races.
All White women aren’t blue-eyed, blond-haired angels; they can be she-devils, worse than any Black woman ever thought to be and can get you killed, especially down here in the South.
Back in my day, one of the biggest reasons some Black men dated White girls was because they were considered easy; they would drop their drawers quicker than Black girls. Some Black men still date White women for that very reason. When I was in college, it was the White girls NOT the Black girls who were the biggest s-uts on campus.
One of most laughable mistakes some Black men make is thinking that the possession of a big joystick is their key to a White woman’s vjay and her mind. As a White woman who dated Black men before I married and had a circle of female friends who did too, Honey, I can tell you that a big joystick is not enough to sustain a relationship. Plus, not all Black men are well endowed, and of those who are so endowed, some do not know how to use those big joysticks either. And another thing, not all White men are lacking in that department either. So scratch that myth. Bottom line, as a man, you have to bring more to the table than a big joystick.
Another mistake some Black men make about White women is the notion that they are docile, weak minded and easy to control. As some Black men who survived the fire of a scorned, done wrong White woman will tell you, how wrong they were! Some White women will appear to be docile, weak minded and easy to control but cross them and the she-devil in them will come out, depending on what you did to them. And if it’s serious enough, they will drag your behind to court and get their satisfaction in dollars and cents.
Do some of you Black men ever ask yourself why some of you don’t have a problem dating or marrying White women who are more successful than you, make more money than you, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses than you BUT consider it a BIG PROBLEM when the same can be said of a Black woman? And to top it all off, some misinformed Black men actually think they’re going to control a successful White woman or walk all over her! Think again! Money talks! BS walks! And that means YOU, right out of her life, if you try that “I’m the man. Do as I say” stuff with her and that goes for some of her Black sisters too.
As far as that “Nobody Wants Black Women” train of thought, open your eyes. There are scores of White men and other races of men, the rich and not so rich that openly or secretly desire and will marry Black women and father children with them. What you degrade, they upgrade.
And why is it some Black men claim that Black women are too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage yet many times end up White women with the same characteristics? Women are women. They come in all sizes, shapes, temperaments and levels of emotional health.
And for those White women who think they are some type of goddesses to Black men, bash White men, and consider Black men better than White men, Honey, think again. I’m a White woman and I know your kind better than a Black man or a Black woman ever will. You’re no better than a Black woman bashing Black man. You deserve each other. Don’t kid yourselves. Something is off in your heads. You need therapy.
At the end of day, no one should judge anyone based on stereotypes or past experiences. Everyone is different, be it Black, White Red or Yellow. Everyone is beautiful in their own way and should be treated that way.
Mrs. Lucretia Branch-Davidson
P.S. “Same goes for Black Women who bash Black Men!” – From Her Husband, Mr. Davidson
Source: topix.com / Response to the topic: “Why Black Men Don’t Date Or Marry Black Women”